An Orcward Encounter

An Orcward Encounter is the 4th Oxventure episode, in which the Guild go on an expedition.

Synopsis
After saving the Wild Wild Woods from a giant mechanical logging beetle in their previous Oxventure, our brave-ish heroes are recruited to raid a crypt full of maybe fabulous treasure and definitely terrible danger. Join them at The Bellowing Walrus tavern as the next Oxventure begins.

In this new episode find Corazón the Pirate, Dob the Half-Orc Bard, Merilwen the Elf Druid, Prudence the Tiefling Warlock, and Egbert the Dragonborn Paladin babysitting an adorable scholar through a treacherous tomb.

Summary
A few days after the previous adventure, after failing to find M. Channail, the Guild arrives in a town named "Tanner's Folly", a place founded by a group of tanners that quickly realized it was a bad idea to have loads of tanners together in one place. They enter a tavern named the Bellowing Walrus, which is owned by a man named Edwin Gray Xavier Rezzed, who has followed Tanner's Folly's tradition of writing his name on the wall in massive letters.

After settling down, they spot a man in the corner with a sign reading "Adventurers Wanted". With nothing else to do, the Guild walks up to him. It takes the man a few moments to realize why they're there, but he soon introduces himself as Alfred Strangetide. He explains that he is an archaeologist that wants to investigate a nearby crypt, but no one else wants to go with him due to it being the home of "great evil". Everyone agrees to go, to get away from the smell of urine and Prudence wanting to meet the great evil, but they want to know why Alfred wants to go first, worrying he might be a cultist. Alfred explain that there is a chalice in the crypt, a priceless one, one that is said to give you anything you've ever wanted. This is enough to convince the Guild to go. Alfred says he wants 50/50, but is eventually convinced to take 70/30 in the Guild's favour, plus a minute on the Joyful Damnation with Dob acting out a scene from Titanic with him.

They collect supplies and arrive at the crypt, which is sealed with a heavy door. Egbert and Dob open the door, though Dob does it more easily than Egbert. They enter the first room and see ten statues of warriors surrounding a statue of a skeleton with an axe in its head. Below the skeleton is Infernal text that reads "Avenge me". Dob asks how the skeleton wrote that, before he remembers that its a statue not a real skeleton. Ebert notices a statue without a weapon and tries to smash it, but his attack bounces off harmlessly. Corazón investigates the statue and see a small gap in its side. Egbert takes the axe from the skeleton's head and places it in the gap, causing upper part of the statue to fall off revealing a lever. Egbert pulls the lever and opens a pathway to the next room.

Worrying for his safety, Dob makes a papoose and puts Alfred inside it, which makes Alfred incredibly excited. They journey down the corridor and come across a room filled with tripwires. Merilwen turns into a cat to try and sneak under the wires and find something that will get rid of them on the other side, but she accidentally trips them, sending arrows flying everywhere. Dob charges through the arrows, saving Prudence and Merilwen, Corazón hopes from one wall to the other playing a hurdy gurdy, while Egbert snatches all the arrows out of the air. Dob sees that Prudence was hurt the most by the arrows and decides to heal her. The spell works, but Prudence feels weird with the wholesome energy and senses that Cthulhu is mildly displeased. Dob feels what he thinks is a tentacle coiling around him, but it turns out to be just Alfred clinging onto him, haven been freaked out by the experience.

Before they move onto the next room, which is shrouded in darkness, Corazón asks Alfred if he knew about the traps. Alfred admits that he heard about them, but the civilisation that used them hasn't existed for millennia. But he admits, he didn't know about stuff like the Infernal writing. He then asks how Prudence could read the writing, to which she points out that she's a Tiefling, which Alfred somehow didn't notice. Corazón then decides to reduce the profits to 80/20 for not telling them about the traps, which Alfred objects to. Dob warns him that he'll turn the quest around if he doesn't calm down, forcing him to accept the new terms.

They try to head into the next room, but Alfred comments on how dark it is. Corazón gives him a torch but takes it back when Alfred tries to chew it. Egbert hands Merilwen a lit arrow, and she fires it, lighting all the torches in a single shot. Corazón notices on the ceiling of the room there are carvings depicting a battle between Elves, Tieflings, Dwarves and one Pirate playing a piccolo. At centre are a Tielfing and an Elf locked in combat while a Dwarf is lying on the ground dead. Everyone looks at the floor and sees hexagonal tiles, each one depicting a different rune. Merilwen notices that some of the runes are Elvish, Prudence notices some of the runes are Infernal, and Alfred concludes that the others are either Pirate or Dwarven.

Corazón askes Alfred if he knows what the carvings are, to which he explains that it's depicting the battle of Brunin The Unworthy. He explain that Brunin was an infamous Dwarf who was defeated in battle by the Tieflings and the Elves, before they turned on each other almost immediately afterwards, when the Tiefling leader, Steven, attacked the leader of the Elves. He then states that they are somehow still trapped eternally in battle. They first try to spell "Brunin" with the tiles, but that doesn't work, and come to the conclusion that the word they are looking for is "Unworthy". Prudence dances across the Dwarven tiles and everyone follows her.

They then come across a door. Everyone is immediately suspicious of it. Prudence read the Infernal text on it and it says "Push to open". Egbert tries to pull it, it does not work. Prudence boots it open. It was just a regular door. They enter an ominous, circular room. In the middle of it is a circular stone, upon which is a chalice made out of some kind of horn. Alfred wakes up from his nap and excitedly proclaims it to be what they are looking for, the Chalice of Everything Everyone Ever Wanted. Corazón examines it with his spyglass. He doesn't see any traps but can sense that it's powerful. Dob approaches the Chalice and tries to replace it with a bag of sand, but as soon as he grabs it the room goes dark. Time freezes for Dob. He feels a dark energy travel up is arm and explore every dark corner of his brain. Suddenly the lights come back on, and next to Dob stands a figure that looks like Dob, except his eyes are glowing with Infernal energy.

The evil Dob slashes summons his rapier and slashes at the real Dob, barely missing him. Merilwen shoots an arrow at the evil Dob, which snaps the real Dob out of his post brain invasion trance, and he stabs his doppelganger in the head with the chalice, causing it to crackle with energy. Prudence takes this opportunity to talk to the evil Dob. She asks the double if they can take the chalice, offering to trade something for it, but it refuses. Turns out the Chalice of Everything Everyone Ever Wanted is everything it ever wanted. She then tries to flirt with the creature, but it refuses due to the blood all over her. Prudence then tries to use Eldrich Blast on the creature, but misses due to her being thrown off by the creature rejecting her. Egbert then shoves a bomb down evil Dob's throat, and it explodes inside him. Evil Dob then glares at Egbert, and Egbert gives him a thumbs up. Corazón shoots it with his crossbow.

Evil Dob then pulls out a lute and cast Thunder Wave, which knocks Egbert unconscious. Merilwen shoots evil Dob with an arrow, as Dob walks over to Egbert and heals him, waking him up. Prudence charges up an Eldrich Blast and fires it at evil Dob, who tries to retake her offer to go on a date before he explodes. The chalice lands on the floor, along with a massive pile of gold. The Guild consult Alfred on whether they should pick up the chalice again, to which he says it's probably best if they leave it. He then asks if he can have three out of every ten coins in the gold pile, to which they tell them he can have two coins out of the pile, to which he agrees to. Dob then plays his sister's lullaby in celebration of their victory.

Notable Events

 * The Guild meets Alfred Strangetide.

Guild Hijinks
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Character Development
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Trivia
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Behind the Scenes Trivia

 * The owner of the bar they started in (and indeed the whole concept of the writing on the wall of said bar) was created because this story happened at EGX Rezzed 2018, and the name of the event was written on the stage they were on.
 * Alfred was meant to be running around the areas, pointing out anything the Guild missed. But instead, the Guild patronized him so much he went from a dignified scholar to a whiny toddler.