Mind Your Manors

Mind Your Manors is the 8th Oxventure episode of the Second 2 and the 15th episode overall, in which the Oxventurers take on a very dangerous challenge.

Synopsis
The Oxventurers stumble across a foreboding mansion, one that holds the promise of great fortune -- if they can survive one seemingly-simple task. What's up with that?

Summary
Upon arriving to Necropolis on Sea from their previous adventure, the Guild decide to explore the place they just spent five days journeying towards. They discover that roughly 99.9% of the town is dead, with gravestones all over the place, even in roads between shops. Dob does a quick investigation of the grave and discovers that some are very old while others a very new, but he can't get a grasp on how old they are because most of the dates have been scored out. Prudence is the only one who seems happy to be here, and Corazón decide to make this her birthday/Christmas present.

Prudence looks for any sign of life on the island, and spots a hunched figure winding its way between the graves towards them. The figure approaches them, revealing itself to be a old decrepit crone named Bismuth. They ask her why everyone's dead, and she asks them if they are here to partake in the challenge. She directs their attention to a mansion on top of a cliff in the background and explains that it is haunted. Egbert isn't concerned by this, as he doesn't believe in ghosts, which confuses his friends, since he just sailed with a skeleton army and his god is a talking cow in the sky. In any case, Bismuth explains that the mansion was cursed when a family member refused the family business, and ever since anyone who stays in it will turn up dead the next morning. Despite this, it has become a challenge to see who can survive the night and win the mansion, hence the graves. Corazón is unsure, but everyone else wants to do it, as they can fix it up and make it their holiday home. Corazón is eventually convinced, and they agree to the chalange.

Dob runs up to the mansion, but stops when Bismuth asks if she can have their stuff if he dies. Corazón says no, but Dob agrees, since all he has on him of value is a map to the lake where he threw the map to where he threw all the money they earned in a previous adventure. He then asks Bismuth if she wants to come with, and, despite her protests that she doesn't want to die, is eventually convinced to walk them up the hill. Egbert gives her a piggy back ride so she doesn't have to walk all the way. Corazón asks Dob for a piggy back ride, but Merilwen jumps on before he can.

As they approach the mansion, Prudence uses Eldritch Sight and sees that there are loads of ghosts, overlapping like TV static. The building is old and gothic, and is covered in a light haze that makes it hard to tell if the building is being circle by bats or something much bigger. They approach the massive front door, and see that the door knocker is so big it might destroy the old door. They decide not the use it. They see that there is a cat flap, except it seems to be designed for some sort of centipede like creature. To everyone's horror, except for Prudence, Corazón contorts himself into that exact shape and sneaks in.

Corazón jumps up and makes a laugh of celebration, which echoes through out the mansion. Dob proposes that Corazón pretends to be a new ghost and act like a mole in the operation. Corazón lights a torch in the darkness, and is confronted by a grey sallow face, which startles him. He gets a good look at the figure, and sees its hair is thinning who is wearing rotting red blazer. The figure asks if Corazón is there to take the challenge, and he is so frozen in fear that he forgets the plan to act as a mole and confesses that he is there for the challenge. The figure introduces himself as Henry Charles Fauntleroy Stripworth Colquhoun The Third At Your Service. Corazón asks if he can open the door to let the others in, which he does, but the door takes forever to open.

They ask about the dead bodies, and Henry explains that he shoves the corpses out the top most window and Bismuth wheels them back to the town and buries them. Bismuth, who's still on Egbert's back, alerts Henry that she's been brought into the game, which complicates the whole system. Corazón asks for a drink, and Henry gives him an impossibly heavy bell, before he glides to get Corazón a drink. Dob takes this opportunity to look for a secret passageway. He finds one after randomly pulling on some books, and invites Prudence to come with him. They traverse through the cobweb filled passageway and discover that it leads to the vast majority of the rooms. Prudence looks by a nearby peephole, which leads to a cold room containing three old lady ghosts around a low blue fire.

Meanwhile, Henry returns with Corazón's drink, and shows them to their rooms, except Egbert, who heads to the kitchen with Bismuth. Henry leads Corazón and Merilwen to the South Wing. Merilwen is giving a room designed to look like a small forest glade, with a tree hammock and a pool of frogs. Corazón is given the penthouse suite, with satin sheets and fancy wines and furniture. Henry asks where Dob and Prudence have gone, as Dob and Prudence stare through the peepholes of a painting of pugs. Corazón explains that they are probably elsewhere in the mansion somewhere, before going to take a bubble bath, causing Prudence to move on.

Dob and Prudence then find their way into the library, and Prudence finds two dog like grimoires, which she names Frisky and The Darkness. Meanwhile, Dob finds wood carving and illustrations of previous owners of the mansion, but their faces have been burnt off. Dob and Prudence come to the conclusion that lots of people have owned the house, but all of them have died cursed. They then decide to find Henry and be shown to their rooms, with the knowledge of the secret passageways in hand. They call out to Henry, who materialises behind them ans offers to show them to their rooms. Dob's room has a break away door, with replacements available, and parchment for music writing and a parlour for him to hang out with his friends. Prudence's room is brimstone hell pit with a molten pool and bed of jagged rocks, with a swirling portal that leads to a red room of blood.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Egbert teaches Bismuth how to make a sandwich. As Bismuth makes a ridiculously tall sandwich, Egbert asks her about the history of the house. She explains that Henry is an estate agent who tried to sell the mansion, but is now cursed to wander the halls until someone breaks the curse. Bismuth explains that people have theorised that the mansion might have some unfinished business that might break the curse when fulfilled, but she doesn't know what it might be.

Back with Prudence, having unpacked, she visits Corazón room. Corazón is drunk off of some grog and half a bottle of claret and eating a plump capon, but all Prudence sees is him laying in a bed of fungus and slime, drinking some unknown black liquid. Needless to say, Prudence is impressed. Prudence compliments Corazón on his gut filled room, but he has no idea what she's talking about. While this is going on, Dob visits Merilwen's room to show her a new song he's written. He is immediately horrified, as the carpet is guts and Merilwen is swinging in a hammock made of rib cages. Dob alerts Merilwen of the condition she's in, telling her to feel her hammock. This snaps her out of her trance, and she begins to panic. Dob wades into the guts, seeing the giant hissing cockroaches Merilwen thought were frogs, which are playing poker with bones. Dob alerts them that one of them is cheating, causing them to tear each other apart.

Dob carries Merilwen out of the room and then casts Prestidigitation on them both to clear each other up. Prudence meets up with them with Corazón, who is covered in goo and smoking a finger he thinks is a cigar. Prudence consults with Dob and Merilwen about how she thinks the ghost are causing these hallucinations. Dob suggests they form a circle and stay awake, adding that they should barricade themselves in the library and set up traps that will alert them when a ghost comes in. Prudence loves this plan, but insists they find Egbert first. Meanwhile, Corazón eats a platter of tongues he thinks is smoked salmon.

They find Egbert in the kitchen, and see the sandwiches they are making seem to be passed their best and are very poor quality. Dob asks Egbert if he checked to see if the ingredients, like the avocados, were fresh, to which Egberts scoffs at, saying that avocados are always ripe, which annoys his Guild mates. Egbert has some of Corazón's "salmon" as well, and Corazón offers him a tooth they think is a mint.

Having had enough of this, Prudence drags everyone to the library. Prudence suggests they do a seance, to talk to the ghosts and find out information about the house, but Egbert gets distracted by the books, and jumps from sliding ladder to sliding ladder around the room. Corazón puts on the robe and slipper from his room, but he suddenly snaps out of his trance and realises that the slippers are made of perforated rotting cats and the robe is made of human faces, one of which is Curly Joe, much to his surprise. Although horrified by the slippers, kicking them across the room in disgust, Corazón loves his robe, as it make him look like a pirate king. Corazón asks why the others didn't tell him he was wearing something horrible, but at this point everyone is just tired of the whole ordeal and tells him to just join the seance circle. Henry suddenly bursts through the door, letting out a uncharacteristically mighty roar, and asks if they need anything. They tell him no, and he leaves again. Merilwen puts the cat slippers in a box and asks Bismuth to bury them in the morning.

With everyone in the circle, although Egbert hasn't snapped out of his trance yet, they begin the seance. They agree to summon the "chillest" ghost, to avoid any demonic spirits, and summon a man with a braided beard and dreadlocks. They try to show off the ghost the Egbert, but he is distracted by his sandwich. The ghost is revealed to be a hippie bro type man, or a "broast" as Dob called him. Corazón then speaks "bro" to the ghost and asks what the mansion's deal is. He explains that he was a challenger who tried to win the, but he burnt to death, which was "immensely painful". The ghost sees that he is harshing Dob's mellow and asks if they want him to leave, not wanting to ruin what might be their last night alive. Corazón asks for some advice, and he says to stay out of the basement. He then tell Corazón that there's a pirate ghost who resides in the mansion, and he might want to chat to him, before disappearing.

Egbert finishes his sandwich, and finally snaps out of his trance, although he just realises that the food wasn't that good. He then notices that Corazón is covered in goo, and says that he doesn't think it suits him. Corazón translates what the ghost told him, and Dob and Egbert immediately want to go to the basement. Dob reasons that something has clearly called the last few hundred contenders to the basement and he wants to get a jump in it before it summons them. They disagree for a bit, and the subject of unfinished business comes up, which reminds Egbert that Bismuth told him that the mansion might have some. Dob asks how can a house have unfinished business, and Dob and Egbert thinks it's because it didn't get grouted when it wa built, and start grouting with some partially coagulated blood, which Dob remarks is "Better than the last grouting experience".

Everyone else hears a sea shanty being played on an accordion. Corazón recognises it, but not from his time as a pirate. He recognises it from when his father would hum it, sometimes when he's not paying attention or when he was in a bad mood. Dob abandons the grouting and tries to get Corazón to remember it better. Corazón can't remember anything else about it, but is convinced the answers will be in the basement. He get up out of the seance circle and the music stops. He comments how ominous that is, but realises that Bismuth can still hear it. Dob plays hot and cold with Bismuth to find the source of the music. Bismuth gets up, her bones folding into the shape of a jet, and flies out of the circle and immediately stops hearing it. They realise the song is coming from the circle. Corazón asks about the possibility that his dad might be dead and in the basement. Egbert asks why he's worried about that, as he should love that fact, to which Corazón reveals that he might still have some issues to work out about his father. They eventually decide they need to summon the source, except Egbert, who goes to the basement, wearing a "Don't be a Dob" T-Shirt that he's re-purposed to say "Team Basement".

The other replace Egbert with Bismuth, and attempt to summon the source of the music. Prudence tells Corazón to lead them in the seance and call out to the source, since he has a connection with the music. Corazón calls out, and the music falters for a second. But it then gets louder and louder until the floor erupts with water, revealing the ghost of a pirate, asking who summoned him to such a disgraced, shameful place. Corazón asks what song he was playing, and the pirate explains it's his favourite song, and sings a bit to them. The pirate then introduces himself as Captain Milquetoast, which shocks everyone, as that's Corazón's real surname. Corazón and the captain then talk in Thieves' Cant, and Corazón reveals that it's possible that the two of them are related. Although angered at the fact that Corazón's father isn't a pirate, the captain sees that Corazón is indeed his descendant, and proceeds to steal one of his rings.

The captain then explains that he was the best pirate ever back in his day, and he built the mansion after discovering Necropolis on Sea, having named it himself. However, on his death bed two hundred years ago, he told his son to continue the family business, but after his father died he refused and became a merchant instead. This caused the curse to fall upon the mansion, and it killed the son by burning him alive. The captain says the curse will be broken when a real Milquetoast regained the family trade, claimed the house for themselves and return them to their former glory. With Corazón partaking in the challenge, the captain says there is a chance the curse will be lifted that night, all they have to do is make sure no one enters the basement.

Meanwhile, in the basement, Egbert arrives. He finds that it's filled with useless junk that should have been removed ages ago. He discovers a boiler covered in runes, which springs to life and releases three Flame Skulls. Egbert instinctively tries to rip the law off one of them, but it closes its mouth before he can grab it. One of the Flame Skulls breaths fire on Egbert, but Egbert is immune to fire, so it barely does anything.

Meanwhile back the the library, the captain senses something going on. He asks if someone already went down into the basement, which the others confirm, but they don't seem that worried due to Egbert's immunity to fire. Instead of going to rescue his friend, Corazón asks where the name "Milquetoast" came from. The captain explains that it came from his great great grandfather, who was fond of nicknames and wanted to be called "Killedmost", to show off how deadly he was. Unfortunately, he was also a heavy drinker and slurred quite badly when he was drunk, and his request was during one of his drunken rants, and his crew misheard him, resulting in the name "Milquetoast". With everyone happy with the explanation, the captain suggests that they should probably go save their friend, which they reluctantly do.

Back in the basement, Egbert grabs two of the Flame Skulls, one in each hand, and smashes them together. The Flame Skulls try once again to breath fire at Egbert, but yet again it does nothing. During all this, Captain Milquetoast's ghost sinks down into the basement and watches the fight in excitement. Meanwhile, Dob leads Merilwen to the entrance to the secret passageway in the library that him a Prudence discovered. He then tells her to use Wild Shape to turn into a cat and stuffs her in his pocket. He then jumps down the secret passageway until he arrives in the basements walls. He the bursts out of the wall and hurls Merilwen at the Flame Skulls, and she transforms back into an elf and uses Create Water to extinguish the Flame Skulls. It doesn't work, but they are annoyed at Merilwen.

Corazón and Prudence arrive through the hole in the wall that Dob just made, with Prudence using Spider Climb, and the entire Guild prepare to fight. Prudence is reluctant to cast a spell, as Egbert is in its potential radius, but she hears a bunch of "Do it, do it, do it" from beyond the void and decides to do it anyway. Prudence casts Hunger of Hadar, which sucks both the Egbert and the Flame Skulls into its void. Egbert is amazed by all the dark between stars and tentacles, whereas the skulls are definitely not. Corazón uses Mage Hand Legerdemain and chucks a Waterskin filled with rum, causing it to explode upon making contact with the Flame Skulls. The Flames Skulls are too restrained by Egbert and the tentacles, and they all get damaged by the tentacles.

Merilwen attaches her Hempen Rope to one of her arrows and fires it into the void, hoping to pull Egbert out. The arrow disintegrates in the void, and Egbert successfully grabs the rope and is pulled out, smashing two of the Flame Skulls along the way. Upon seeing its comrades die, the remaining Flame Skull gives up. Prudence cancels the spell and allows the Flame Skull to explain itself. The Flame Skull explains that it, and the other two, were imprisoned in the boiler to heat the pipes, but it admits defeat out of embarrassment and fear of death. It asks if it can go, and Dob asks if it wants to join a skeleton army instead. Dob then takes out his hammer and summons the skeletons, who are once again annoyed that no one has killed them yet. Dob then introduces the skeletons to their new "baby brother", and they are happy with this new addition, as they needed a foreman. Dob then holds up the hammer and they all "clock out" by running headfirst into the hammer, along with the Flame Skull.

Captain Milquetoast expresses his enjoyment of the fight, and announces that they have survived until morning. He then plays his favourite song on his accordion as the deed to the mansion appears before the Guild. Egbert is too busy untying himself from the from the rope to notice the ghost, and the captain explains that lizards don't see in full spectrum colour like humans do, so Egbert just might not be able to see ghosts at all. With the curse lifted, all the ghosts are freed from their imprisonment and the Guild begin to settle into their new mansion.

Notable Events

 * Prudence retrieves two books, Frisky and The Darkness.
 * The Guild win a mansion.

Guild Hijinks

 * Egbert teaches Bismuth how to make a sandwich.
 * Corazón goes through a long list of disgusting things, thinking they are fancy, while under a trance.
 * Dob causes a cockroach bloodbath after exposing one cockroach cheating at poker.
 * Egbert chain hops a bunch of sliding ladders in a library.

Character Development

 * Corazón discovers that he is the descendant of pirates, and is inadvertently following the true family business.
 * Prudence is reluctant to cast a spell that might hurt Egbert, but is eventually convinced to do it anyway.

Trivia

 * The episode's title is a pun on the phrase "mind your manners".

Behind The Scenes Trivia

 * According to Johnny, Prudence's room was really a nice girly boudoir, filled with pink cushions and doilies, where Egbert's room would have been a quiet chapel of contemplation, but it was really a toilet.