Sect Appeal

Sect Appeal is the 3rd Oxventure episode of the Season 3 and the 20th episode overall, in which the Prudence tries to recover her missing artefacts.

Synopsis
Oxventure's braveish heroes stumble into a dank cavern run by cliquey cultists. What's their game?

Summary
Following Egbert getting his Paladin license back, Egbert has been on a three day pamphlet handing out/drinking celebration, and has partially lost his voice as a result. The Guild find themselves in a tavern in a mountainside town called Humberdale. Corazón goes to get a round of drinks, with a stolen wallet, and the bartender informs them that the bar is closing early because people have been kidnapped during the night during the week. Dob asks if they can stay in the tavern for the night, and the Guild proceed to get drunk and sing karaoke for twelve hours.

Thoroughly plastered, Corazón comes up with the idea that they should kidnap themselves, that way the kidnappers can't kidnap them because they're already kidnapped! Dob agrees to this, and ties Corazón up in a bag and proceeds to roll him down a hill to cure his arthritis. But before he can, Prudence's orb suddenly rolls out of the tavern, followed by Frisky and The Darkness. Dob tries to grab the Orb, but it is too fast for him, and it continues heading towards the mountain. Everyone runs after the Orb and the books, except Prudence, who cries over the fact that people are always leaving her or getting killed by her. Corazón comforts her, and gets her to come along with them.

The Orb and the books run into a cave, and the Guild is greeted by a woman named Seraphina Ashridge. As everyone holds back an enraged, drunken Prudence, Seraphina asks the Guild if they are the new initiates, which Dob drunkenly confirms. They learn that Seraphina is the leader of a cult that is in service to "The Blessed Lady", and they are lead into the cave. Still wanting to avoid getting kidnapped, Dob kidnaps himself by tying himself in a bag, which he throws up in because it's hot in there.

The Guild is lead to section of the cave where a man is cooking stew. Merilwen offers to give everyone some gin using a druid recipe called Hair of the Dog, which is just putting dog hair in a drink. Dob drinks five pints of it. Egbert and Corazón eat the stew and Dob consumes all of the vegetarian option. Prudence uses Detect Magic to try and find her artefacts, but can only sense that they are far away, and the cave is very vast. Corazón begins to sober up and becomes suspicious of what is going on in the cave, and everyone agrees to infiltrate the cult to find out what's going on/to find Prudence's stuff.

The cultist are giving the Guild time to settle in, but they all start staring at Dob for being a Half Orc who's a vegetarian and for consuming all of their vegetarian option and five pints of gin. Dob shamefully climbs back into the sick filled bag to sleep. Merilwen uses Wild Shape to turn into a cat and sleeps on top of the bag, which grabs the cultist's attention and they applaud her. Corazón asks to see the dormitories and Seraphina shows them to a room with five beds, one of which is occupied by Seal Gaiman, who Merilwen sleeps on top of. Seraphina then informs them that someone will collect them in the morning and leaves them be.

Prudence suggest that maybe someone keeps watch in case someone attacks them during the night, which Dob volunteers. As everyone else sleeps Dob stands watch. He has to slap himself a few times and run up and down the hall in order to not fall asleep, and halfway through he starts to sober up and the hang over kicks in, but he manages to stay awake throughout the night. Unfortunately, he doesn't see anyone. Dob then wakes everyone up out by banging on a pan of spite.

Just then, two men, named Chet and Davey, enter the room and splash water on the Guild's faces, one of them kicks Corazón's bed and calls him a nerd. Dob protests to them that he and his Guild members are cool by listing off a bunch of cool people they know, but one of them just puts him in a head lock and gives him a noogie. They announce to the Guild that today they'll be doing the laundry, much to they hungover dismay. The Guild then put on their cult robes and eat breakfast.

Once breakfast is eaten, during which Dob and Egbert make a fool of themselves trying to be cool, Chet and Davey announce it's time to do the laundry. Dob says they don't need to do the laundry and casts Prestidigitation to clean the closes and flavour Davey salty, but as soon as he does Davey throws coffee on Dob's chest. Outraged, Dob tries to sweep Davey's leg, but Davey gives him another noogie while walking them to the laundry room.

They lead to Guild to a laundry room, which is filled with five old wash tubs and board, hard soap, and two hours worth of laundry. With the Guild not wanting to spend two hours doing laundry, Merilwen turns into an octopus and starts doing the laundry, with Dob doing the splits and holding the boards in his mouth, arms and legs. Corazón casts Minor Illusion to make it look like his laundry is done and leaves. Octowen tries to stop him, but only manages to stoke him.

With the laundry going faster than it should, Chet is almost impressed, but Davey tells him to shut up. Prudence then manages to throw Chet off his rhythm by "negging" him, which causes him to ask what she's doing later and subsequently kicking over one of the tubs in anger, breaking it, causing Dob to mend it. Egbert asks them why they are being so mean, and tries to convert them to The Order of La Vache Mauve. This causes Chet and Davey to go pale. Davey warns Egbert not to talk about any other religions, as they here to serve the Blessed Lady, and they could get killed for that. Egbert thanks Davey, saving some pamphlets for them for later, and Davey thanks Egbert, punches him in the stomach, and walking away laughing with Chet as Egbert throws up.

Meanwhile, Corazón has decided to explore the cave. He sneaks around for awhile and discovers the cave is vast. He is nearly caught by Seraphina, but he manages to find numerous groups doing numerous tasks, most notable a group grinding up herbs and making tinctures for an unknown reason. He eventually manages to find a passageway that is guarded by two men in armour. Corazón manages to sneak back to the others and relays what he found. He theorises that whatever is being guarded by the two guards must be the centre of this operation. Plus, it's most likely that Prudence's stuff is back there. On a whim, Prudence casts Detect Magic and finds some magical residue on the dirty clothes, but can't tell what type of magic it is.

With the laundry done, and Merilwen turned back into her Elf self, Dob convinces the Guild that the best way to get passed the guards is to withstand Chet and Davey's hazing so they can get initiated into their group, and thus be led back there. They find Chet, Davey and the Boys in the common room talking to Seraphina, and they hear her praising them for finishing the laundry so quickly. It is then the Guild realise that the laundry was Chet and Davey's job, not theirs! Seraphina then asks the Guild how their day of roaming the caverns was, to which Dob says it was very peaceful, much to Chet and Davey's delight. Dob the praises Chet and Davey for being so welcoming, to the point that Chet and Davey signals him to calm down, when suddenly Egbert exclaims that he's in love with Chet, catching everyone off guard. Dob then reveals that it's complicated, because he's in love with Egbert and Chet's in love with Dob.

Seraphina then explains that even though the cult wants to shower the Guild with spiritual love, part of it requires them to give the cult back something in return. She explains that there is a cave nearby that has Black Sorrel growing in it, which they need for "the serum", but it is guarded by something "slightly feral". But she believe the Guild can handle it, due to being adventurers "in a past life". Chet and Davey are fuming with envy at this. Corazón asks Seraphina for a "refresher" about what "the great work" is, but she reminds them that they don't know, because the Blessed Lady only gives them info "when it is appropriate".

The agrees that this is the best way to get into the heart of the operation, and accepts the offer. Dob asks for seventy foot of Hempen Rope each and for Chet and Davey to join them. This makes Chet and Davey excited for a second, before realising how serious this is. Dob updates his will, something he does before every adventure, and advises that Chet and Davey do the same. Davey protests that his beneficiary is already Chet, but Corazón points out that Chet could die before Davey. The two then hastily make out wills and then hastily make out with Wills, one of the Boys. Seraphina gives the Guild the ropes they asked for, which they give to Chet and Davey, and head off to the cave, leaving the Boys to fall into infighting, trying to figure out who will replace Chet and Davey.

Prudence asks Merilwen about Black Sorrel, but she doesn't remember much about it, but will recognise it when they find it. They eventually find the cave, which they can't tell if it's part of the other cave or not, and they can smell the sweet smell of something decomposing inside it. Chet and Davey protest that they aren't scared, but they point out that there is a carpet of bones in the cave, some of which are the bones of those who came before them. Corazón casts Dancing Lights so they can see in the cave. Chet, Davey and Dob tie one of the ropes around themselves for safety, and they head inside the dark, dank cave.

Chet and Davey carefully step over the bones, but Dob is too bust giving Davey a meaningful stare and trips and becomes trapped in a ribcage, making a loud noise, which causes something to stir deep in the cave. The three of them freeze for a minute, but relax when nothing happens. They head deeper into the cave and come across a humanoid figure, with a goat's head and a long barbed tail, which is dripping a viscus liquid. It is guarding a garden, which is lit up by luminescent mushrooms, in which is some small plants. The three of them freeze, because it is on guard and listening for intruders.

Prudence casts Message to check on Dob, who explains what he is seeing. Prudence tells him that the creature is a Bulezau, a demon that deals necrotic damage to anything within thirty foot of it. Dob also relays the info about the garden, which Merilwen recognises as a Black Sorrel grow operation, something that is looked down on in Druidic society. Corazón asks Prudence to ask Dob to ask Chet if he wants to hear his plan, but instead she asks Chet if he likes Corazón. Chet asks if now is really the time to be asking that, but Dob relays that now is the time to be asking that.

The Guild brainstorm, and eventually come up with the idea to have Dob distract the Bulezau while Corazón steals the Black Sorrel with Mage Hand Legerdemain, and Egbert makes a net out of the remaining ropes they were given as a back up. As Corazón and Prudence sneak into the cave, Prudence using Spider Climb, Chet asks Dob is Corazón really likes him. Dob finds the skull of a Mega Condor and throws it, causing the Bulezau to chase after it. Corazón steals the Black Sorrel as the Bulezau destroys its layer in search for whatever made the noise. Prudence uses Detect Magic just in case her stuff in her, but to no result.

As everyone tries to sneak out of the cave, Prudence slips and falls off the ceiling, grabbing the Bulezau's attention, and it charges at her. Egbert casts Turn the Faithless to tell the Bulezau to go away, but it shakes it off and telepathically sends Egbert a message in Abyssal, which he doesn't understand, but feels like it was very offensive. Suddenly, Dob jumps into the air, grabs onto the ceiling, casts Thunderwave and causes stalactites to fall from the ceiling and impale the Bulezau, narrowly missing Prudence. With the Bulezau pinned to the floor, and Egbert throwing a net on it, it cries out in pain, sending an telepathic message to everyone in Abyssal, which only Davey understands, who throws up and starts crying. Corazón fires his crossbow at it and kills it. He expects everyone to praise him, but instead everyone sings a song about how he stole Dob's kill.

Dob casts Calm Emotions on Davey, and tells him that letting others see his emotions is braver than facing any Bulezau, and Davey hugs him. With Davey reassured, the Guild reveal to Chet and Davey that they have no desire to actually help the cultists, much to their dismay. Corazón points out that they don't even know what they're trying to do. Prudence asks if Chet and Davey are the ones who've been kidnapping people, to which they say no... they haven't been asked to yet. Corazón argues out that a cult that kidnaps people can't be good, but Chet says that one of the drawbacks of being a mysterious order is that they don't get many initiates. Once they kidnap they they let them try out the cult and they often find it to be a good way of life, but when Prudence asks what happens to the kidnapped people that don't join the order he doesn't know, they just keep them in the back room Corazón saw.

Egbert suggests that they hand deliver the Black Sorrel to the cultists to see what they do with it, and to rescue any kidnap victims they find, and Dob adds that once inside Egbert destroys the Black Sorrel with his Flame Breath. Chet then approaches Corazón and says that he doesn't know what the great work is, but the plan to give them the Black Sorrel is the only way to get into that room, and then he grabs Corazón and kisses him. Egbert is upset and offended by this, and Dob comforts him. Corazón just tells Chet that now's not the time, and leads the Guild back to the cult.

Once they return, Seraphina is so overjoyed that they managed to retrieve the Black Sorrel that she accepts their request to be the ones to add it to the mixture. She leads them into the back room, as people mummer with excitement. As they enter they see the room is a large chamber with a large alchemist station in the middle, a large cage, in which is the kidnapped town's folk, and at the far wall are rows of glass tanks, which seems very familiar. It is then the Guild slowly realise that the "Blessed Lady" is actually Liliana! Seraphina explains that after the last batch was ruined the Blessed Lady realise they could just create a serum and inject people to create the super soldiers, rather than growing them from scratch.

Seraphina informs the alchemist, Adalius, that the Black Sorrel has been collected. In his excitement he demands that the scrying pool be activated so they can inform the Blessed Lady, but Dob convinces them to in form her after the work is completed. Seraphina declares that, once the work is completed, the Guild shall be the first to inject the villages with the serum. Egbert decides to change the plan, and hands the Black Sorrel to Adalius, who grinds it up and adds it to his cauldron. As this is happening, Dob gives Davey a dagger and a significant look, telling him to be ready in case something goes wrong. Corazón gives Chet a look to, but no dagger, and there is electricity between them.

Once all the Black Sorrel is added to the mixture, Egbert suddenly grabs the cauldron and drinks all the mixture in hopes of becoming Ultra Egbert. But instead, all that happens is he starts firing thirty seven Mini Egberts from his hands. At first, people are horrified that Egbert has ruined their work, but soon they realise that Egbert must be the Chosen One! They activate the scrying pool to inform the Blessed Lady. As the crying pool comes to life, Merilwen casts Destroy Water to end the call, but it lasts long enough for them to see that the Blessed Lady is indeed Liliana, for her to realise that the Guild is there, and for her to order the cult to "Kill the-" before the transmission is cut short. Dob and Egbert convince the cult that she was telling them to "kill the tanks", and they all destroy the tanks.

While everyone smashes the cages and letting everyone go, the Guild ask the cultists if they know where Prudence's stuff is, but they don't, but they invite them to talk half the treasure from their treasure cave. Dob puts on the papoose and collects the Mini Egberts, with the help of Wills, who kisses each one. Once the papoose is secure, and every cultist is distracted, Dob sneaks up to the scrying pool and steals a single piece of hair from the bowl, to delay Liliana calling the cult back. Corazón then asks Seraphina what's she's doing later, but when she blows him off he asks Chet instead, who turns him down for being fickle. Seraphina informs the Guild that the great work will continue, as the army must rise if the Blessed Lady is to concur G'eth. Egbert tells her that they will look after "the army", and they leave the cave.

As they exit the cave, they find the Orb, Frisky and The Darkness waiting for them. Prudence is mad that they made her worried, but she's so happy to see them.

Notable Events

 * The Guild finds and destroys another one of Liliana's facilities.

Guild Hijinks

 * The Guild drink for twelve hours and "kidnap" themselves so they won't get kidnapped.
 * Dob ties himself in a bag and throws up.
 * The Guild somehow manage to create a complicated love hexagon.
 * Egbert gives birth to thirty seven tiny versions of himself.

Character Development

 * It is revealed the Dob has joined The Order of La Vache Mauve, due to seeing it in Peak Performance.
 * Corazón buys everyone a round of drinks... with someone else's wallet, but still.
 * It is revealed that Dob is in love with Egbert.

Trivia

 * The title is a pun on "sex appeal".

Behind The Scenes Trivia
TBA