Wild Wild Woods Transcript

Narrator: Far away in a land of dungeons and also dragons. Five companions fresh from their latest victory, sail the the oceans aboard their reclaimed galleon, the Joyful Damnation

[Fantasy music starts]

Narrator: What heroic deeds will they accomplish in their new oxventure? I mean, learning which dice are which would be a good start.

THERE'S A SUDDEN CLAP OF THUNDER

[Cheering from the audience]

Corazón: Hi, everyone

Prudence: Hey!

Egbert:  Hello.

Corazón: Welcome to this adventure that's going to happen, I'm Corazón de Leon, or Corazón de Ballena as I am now, I'm a legitimate aquatic businessman. Uh, why? What have you heard?

Egbert: I'm Egbert The Careless, a wandering dragon born paladin looking for atonement, non-specified atonement currently, we'll work it out as we go along

Prudence: Thanks Egbert, I'm Prudence, I'm a tiefling warlock

Merilwen: I am Merilwen and I am an elf Druid

Dob: And I'm Dob, the half orc bard.

[Man from audience shouts "Yeah!"]

Johnny: Don't kill dob, right...

[All Laugh]

Corazón: Maybe you didn't hear me, I'm Corazón.

[Audience cheers loudly]

Corazón: that's what I thought

Johnny: Hello, I'm literally everybody else in the world, but you can call me Johnny

Johnny: This next adventure takes place... a couple of weeks after the events that became referred to as a spot of bother, you've patched up the joyful damnation and you've taken it on a bit of a pleasure cruise to be honest because you know, it's been a stressful period. You're now loaded, you've got a ship, you've sorted out your daddy issues.

[Players and audience laugh]

Dob: Oh, it's done

Johnny: Everyone is ready for a bit of R&R, so as you'll all remember you've decided to uh drop the anchor, sail into land and go on a picnic in a forest, and we begin on the edge of a lovely looking forest.

Egbert: We're such badasses

Johnny: It's a nice sunny day, it's bright outside

Corazón: Did Merilwen choose this adventure?

[Audience/player laughter]

Merilwen: I've been so sick sick, please.. I just need the trees

Corazón: Okay, alright, alright.

Johnny: You all start to proceed into the forest, it is beautiful, there is sunlight coming through the branches of the trees, the air is still but not close, it's not too humid and Merilwen, you immediately sense that something terribly horribly wrong.

Merilwen: I think there's something terribly horribly wrong guys

Corazón: Oh my god, she's right, there's no cheese for the sandwhiches

Egber: No one's cut the crust off mine.

Prudence: This potato salad has pineapple in it?!

Egbert: What?!

Corazón: Alright, back on the boat... ship, ship.

Dob: He's not really a pirate at all!

Prudence: Get him!