Bad Chair Day

Bad Chair Day is the 1st Oxventure episode of the Second 2 and the 8th episode overall, in which the Guild investigate some dodgy furniture.

Synopsis
When an evening at a tavern turns into a massacre, the Oxventure crew must solve the mystery of Port Fairwind's ferocious furnishings instead of finally and at long last enjoying a quiet hard-earned drink. No, it's fine.

Summary
Two days after their last adventure, as thanks for serving him, Cthulhu picked up the Guild in the Joyful Damnation and propelled them towards a place called Port Fairwind and gave them some of the treasure that Dob threw in a lake. Once there they arrive in tavern called the Gilded Chub, and Dob had already ten percent of the treasure to a bird he saw. It isn't too long until Dob notices that his chair is breathing. Not only that, Merilwen notices that Prudence's chair is too. Corazón notices this and decides he isn't drunk enough to deal with the situation, and goes to get a drink at the bar. He asks the bartender what's up the chairs and a soon as he answers the question all the chairs of the same brand start attacking people. Corazón immediately hides.

Merilwen cast Entangle and traps the chairs that are attacking them in place, but one escapes. Dob tries to pin the escaped chair with a bedroll, but ends up being flung about the place with while on the chair. Prudence tries to Eldritch Blast the chair Dob is on, but misses. Egbert comes back from the toilet and burns them with his Flame Breath, with Dob barely avoiding it by jumping onto the tavern's chandelier.

The battle over with, they look up to find everyone else has run away and the landlord has been eaten by the bar flap. A woodsman kills the bar flap and talks to the Guild. He explains that this tavern just redecorated two days ago, and it wasn't like this before then. They ask him who redecorated it, but he says he doesn't know, he only drinks there. Dob goes into the back room to find any clues and discovers an invoice, but the ink falls off the page when he tries to read it. As Dob tries to do "detective work" to try and read the missing message, Prudence and Corazón examine the remains of the chairs. Surprisingly it's Corazón who notices something, as he notices that the chairs are made in the style of the usually Port Fairwind furniture, but the wood is different, and it has the style of antique wood but also seems very new at the same time.

Meanwhile, Dob manages, through trial and error, to get a message from the piece of paper which says "Collection: Docks. 3AM. Come alone. (Be prepared to make many trips.)". Dob comes to the conclusion that this means someone is coming to the docks that night, and informs the rest of the Guild. Prudence then realises, thanks to Corazón's help, that the chairs are made from the wood of a particular forest which shouldn't be used as furniture, as it has "bad juju". Hearing this, Corazón is determined to shut the operation down (and maybe steal their money).

After Dob makes sure there are no evil chairs left alive, and Corazón steals from the bar and gets drunk, they head to the docks. On the way Corazón drunkily asks to be turned into a chair, so he can infiltrate the culprits operations, and Dob uses his Disguise Kit to do so. They drop the disguised Corazón at the docks and then hide. They then proceed to wait for four hours, during which Corazón sobers up and realises how terrible the plan is. Merilwen turns into a cat and sits on the Corazón chair. Around half past twelve a group of warehouse workers start stacking Port Fairwind furniture on the dock. A boat comes into dock and loads all of the furniture onto it, and no one notices that Corazón and Merilwen get loaded on too until it's too late. It is at this moment that Dob realises that the piece of paper he read was an invoice, something you usually get before you receive something, and since the tavern owner had already got the evil furniture that means the invoice is outdated, meaning Corazón and Merilwen just got shipped out for no reason.

On the boat, Corazón and Merilwen hear a conversation between the ship's crew about how Port Fairwind exporting furniture more than usual because no one is buying furniture from within the town, and the furniture sellers suspect they are being undercut by someone. The captain comments that the ones they've been making recently haven't been as good, pointing out the one Corazón is disguised as. This offends Corazón so much that he makes a groan that tips the crew off, and they throw him overboard, thinking that he's a cursed chair. Merilwen eventually decides to jump onto Corazón and the two make their way back to shore. The crew of the ship are so terrified of the Corazón chair that they run into something out at sea and the entire cargo is lost to sea.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Guild decide to investigate the warehouse to see if they can find any clues. Dob finds out, via reports, that the owner of the warehouse, Dunnican's Furniture, have been struggling recently, and they don't know why. Dob tells the Prudence and Egbert that he thinks they just ruined an innocent, struggling business by sinking that last shipment. Corazón and Merliwen rejoin them and they decide to find the person who's out selling the people they just accidentally ruined.

Dob then ambushes a man and asks him to tell him where to buy furniture, and he tells him to go to the furniture district. Once there, they go to the nearest shop and wake up the owner, Dunnican, who asks them why they want chairs at three in the morning. They explain that they are doing a survey about the furniture business and what to know how his business is doing. After cat Merilwen spends an hour and a half deciding whether or not she wants to go in, they get down to brass tax. They explain the situation with the evil chairs and ask if anyone has been harming his business recently. Although he's annoyed by Corazón and Egbert trying to intimidate him, Dunnican explains that his business is terrible and voices his annoyance at his competitors for selling the Port Fairwind style, and that he's the only one who's trying to innovate and try something new in the town. He points them to the Derosas, as they are his rivals and he liked the idea of the Guild smashing their shop up too. Before they leave, Egbert advises Dunnican to have his costumers build the furniture themselves and give it "a ", which gives Dunnican creative inspiration.

They then head over to the Derosas. They talk about the incident at the Gilded Chub and Derosa says it had nothing to do with him. He says that business has been bad for himself recently, but he is doing alright financially so far. He says that people who sell traditional Fairwind furniture, like himself, have been undersold recently and he suspect the evil chairs to be the reason why. Derosa asks for their help and Dob says they'll do it for free, before anyone can argue with him. Derosa advises them if they want to find the culprit they should probably pretend to be someone looking for new chairs to buy, like a bunch of pub owners. Egbert suggests moving into the Gilded Chub, seeing how the landlord is dead. Before they leave, Egbert advises that the Derosas should make a one way system through the shop so the customers are so delirious by the end they have to by something, serving them meatballs if they get hungry.

Prudence and Egbert put posters up asking for new furniture, Dob and Meriwen tidy up the pub, and Corazón buys a suit to look like the landlord. With tavern cleaned up, and renamed the "Silvery Trout", they wait. That night, a man dressed in a trench coat arrives at the tavern. He says he can give them some furniture, and they arrange to meet at the warehouse at three in the morning. Although Dob says they can only give them half of the price right now, he ends up giving the man all of their money, much to Corazón's annoyance. The man shakes Corazón hand and passes him a note telling him to go to Warehouse 8, but the man is moving so slow due to the weight of the money Dob gave them they end up just following the man there.

Once there they scout the place out. Corazón notices two guards patrolling around the place, and Prudence notices that there's a malevolent force being held within the warehouse. Corazón decides to distract the warehouse owners at the appointment time, as the rest of the Guild sneak in through the fire escape. Corazón knocks on the door and is greeted by the man who visited their new tavern. He shows the furniture to him, which are fighting each other and held in place by some magical runes, and tries to convince Corazón that the movement is just hallucination via the varnish. Meanwhile, Dob casts Sleep on the guard and knocks both of them out. The noise of the guards passing out distracts the man long enough for Corazón to knock him out with a flurry of punches.

With everyone associated with the warehouse knocked out, Egbert announces he's going to destroy the chairs with a bomb, which everyone is against but can't stop. Before Egbert throws his bomb, Dob throws the two guards out a window into the sea (hoping the water will wake them up), and Prudence tries to find out the origin of the wood. Upon examining it, she realises that the wood is from a malevolent source, a very wild, wild wood, and realises that's what M. Channail was harvesting with his logging industry. Corazón curses at the fact that that Gnome is still annoying them from beyond the grave. Just before Egbert throws him bomb, Merilwen jumps out the window as a cat and makes a cannonball as a bear. Everyone else, except Prudence, who just stands there because she's fire proof, narrowly avoids the blast, including the unconscious salesman Corazón was talking to, though he's horrifically scarred by the blast. The chairs are destroyed and all the Guild's gold gets blasted into the sea, much to Corazón's annoyance.

With the warehouse blown up, a man runs to see what's happened to his warehouse. The Guild is surprised to see that it's Dunnican. Dob restrains him in case he runs away, and a very on fire Prudence interrogates him, but Dunnican realises that they've ruined him so much that he decides to confess anyway. He confesses that he wanted to have the Port Fairwind style of furniture synonymous with death, so he made the evil chairs in that style so people would buy his furniture instead and make himself rich. Dob asks if he's working with M. Channail, which he says he doesn't know who that is, and he chucks him in the sea before he burns to death from Prudence's fiery grip. Dunnican swears he'll never do it again and everyone celebrates.

Notable Events

 * The Guild discover that the wood M. Channail was harvesting in Wild Wild Woods has be turned into the evil chairs.
 * The Guild meet Dunnican for the first time

Guild Hijinks

 * Dob give ten percent of the Guild's money away to a pelican, because it had a big bill to pay.
 * Corazon causes a boat to run aground.

Character Development
TBA

Trivia
TBA

Behind The Scenes Trivia

 * This is the first episode where Andy/Corazón does not introduce himself first.
 * The title is a play on the phrase "bad hair day"
 * Most of the adventure was wasted on an accidental red herring that Johnny didn't foresee.